Welcome back to the BYOM podcast. My name is Kristen Noelle. And guess what? This episode is the last episode of season one of the podcast, and we are at the 22nd episode today. So in today's podcast episode, it's just going to be me and I'm actually going to be sharing my experience after coming back from an entire 4 days of NLP training.
“ Once I'm able to unlearn certain things, everything is so much easier. It's almost as if it's effortless.“
I got certified with my husband two weeks ago. We were in Austin, Texas with an NLP training, and I really want to talk about how NLP creates lasting change. Now, the reason why I say lasting change is because for me, for the longest time, it was always hard for me to stay motivated. I have always been really into personal development for a really long time. Ever since I was in high school, I had been obsessed like a personal development junkie. But there was a limiting belief that I could not stay consistent and that I would be motivated only for a short amount of time and that my success would not be long lasting. So the reason why I decided to get certified in NLP is because I really wanted to have a long lasting change. And so in today's episode, I wanted to share with you what I've learned these last four days. What it has really taught me. What we have actually gone through, and we're going to go through three different topics. We're going to go into how you can ditch the limiting beliefs with NLP, how to improve your relationships with NLP, and then finally, how to really empower your mind and create long lasting habits with an NLP.
How do you ditch limiting beliefs with NLP?
I think it's really important to tell you guys what NLP actually is. It stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. The simple term of what NLP is, is the study of successful people and how they get results. If you want to be a successful person, most likely you want to study how successful people do it. And you want to model after them. Now, modeling is not copying what they're doing exactly, but it's kind of understanding the framework of what they're doing, studying it, seeing what you can do to model after them and repeating those action steps. What I've learned in these four days with my husband is this idea of reframing. So I talk a lot about this in my book, “Stop chasing, start attracting” on limiting beliefs. I'm a strong believer that 90%, even 80% to 90% of the time, whenever we are not doing something, we're not taking action. It has to do with our belief system. Our thoughts are stopping us from actually taking the steps to do the thing. Think about this, there are a lot of how-to articles out there. And in fact, there's articles that literally explain every single step to do something. You can just Google it. So why is it that some people are able to get the results that they want and then some people they don't. And the simple answer is their belief system. It's their thoughts that are keeping them from achieving the goals that they want. Self doubt, self sabotage. Like for me, for the longest time I had this limiting belief of, none of my family members are business owners, I don't have anyone to look up to. And that was a limiting belief that I had for a very long time as to why I couldn't be an entrepreneur. So when it comes to limiting beliefs, it's a really real thing that is stopping people from actually getting the results that they want or the income that they want. So how NLP actually helps you ditch those limiting beliefs is through something called reframing.
Reframing is basically looking at a specific incident or thoughts or belief and reframing how that might look in our head. So think about a story that you have created for a specific instance. I'll give you an example of sales. So in the past I used to have this limiting belief where let's say I promote a product of mine or a service of mine and then I don't hear from that person, nobody buys from me for example. Then I start to have this limiting belief of like, “Oh my gosh, like my service is not good enough.” If we were to reframe that belief, it would be. What if it's not that your service isn't good enough? What if you just haven't followed up with enough people? Or maybe it's your marketing message. It's easier said than done, but it's really important that we practice reframing situations and this can be anything. Let's just say that you have an argument with somebody. Most people will be like, “Oh my gosh, this person yelled at me.” Creating some kind of story when it's not even factual. I would say that most 80% to 90% of the time we develop these thoughts in our head that we think are absolutely true. And there's no truth to it. It's really just all in our heads.
The first thing is all about reframing. Reframing how we see things. Try practicing reframing with everything instead of believing the first thought or belief that you have. Try reframing every single thing. And you can see that you have options or you have choices on how you view a certain situation. It's not just the first thought that pops in your head or the first belief that you have.
How can NLP improve relationships and communication?
So part of the reason why I also wanted to do this NLP training is because I wanted to further build my communication skills. Now I was a communications major when I went to college. But what I find very interesting in life is that my dad used to always tell me that, “Kristen, you have to get a real major, communication is nothing.” But he told me this during my wedding, he'd said in the speech that he was so shocked, when I went to school for communication, how it has helped me with the success that I have. Now I tell you this, because most of the time when something is not technical, we don't see it as an actual skill, but communications and building rapport with people can literally help you get ahead in life. Most of the time promotions are given to people not because they have a qualification, but really because of the way they are able to build rapport with their boss or their manager. So for me, for example, for the people that work for me, I've noticed that yes, talents matter, your skill sets matter. It's really how you are able to talk to me and how you're able to communicate with me that really sets the difference as to why I would promote one person over another. So with that being said, NLP can help create lasting change through something called rapport building through communication.
So what we've learned in those four days was something called rapport. So essentially think about your relationship with people that are, let's say not your best friend, but new people, the people that you're trying to network with. And we all know that in order for you to get ahead in life, you do need to build relationships. That is one of the top things that people forget is that you can never do anything alone. So many people will start their own business and think that, “Okay, it's all about me in order for me to get the results that I want.” You're forgetting that it's so much easier to also rely on your support system, to rely on people, helping you get to where you want to go.
So how can you build rapport with someone else? So one of the things that we learned was actually called mirroring. When you're sitting across someone, kind of like seeing what they're doing and modeling after their gestures or how they're placing their hands and whatnot. So when it comes to rapport building, a good way to enhance your communication skills is to actually try to put yourself in another person's shoes. So what I've noticed is that rapport is not just about, let's say copying or modeling after the person's gestures and how they talk or whatnot, but it's also about understanding the other person's point of view and what their intentions are. So what we have learned these last four days is that most of the time when people are communicating with each other, they're really just trying to make their own point across. When you're debating with someone, when you're trying to get your point across, you're only one-sided. You're only positioning yourself on one side. Now, in order for you to win an argument, or in order for you to really persuade someone to purchase your product or to purchase your service, for instance, you have to put yourself in the other person's situation, you have to understand their debate or understand their point of view in order for you to debate them.
This is such a great tool for even parents or people that have small children because of the fact that I just realized that everyone has a different personality. So the way that my parents raised me and my brother should have been different because we have two different personalities. So the way it would convince me as a child would be different from the way they would convince my brother. So that is the nutshell of how NLP can improve your relationships, not only your intimate relationships with your partner, but also your working relationships. Say you have employees, you can talk to them in a way that gets them to move, gets them motivated. And then finally your relationships in terms of your customers.
Actually, I had an incident with one of our Airbnb guests. I'll be honest. We started off really hot. We were doing very well, but there were glitches and there's problems that we've had to overcome in our short time on Airbnb. And one of them was a guest complaining. So when a guest complains it's because we have not fulfilled a need of theirs. So in order to solve the issue, it's still important for me to put myself in the guest's position for me to understand how to talk to them in a way that would get them to understand my point of view. So that's exactly what I did. And NLP has helped me do that. We literally had an incident that happened recently, where a guest complained about the alarm system that went off. I put myself in their situation and for me to share with them like, “Hey, I understand where you're coming from,” and be able to almost kind of like read what it is that they want back from me is actually how we were able to maintain our five star review and for all of our guests to be happy, essentially.
How can NLP empower your mind?
So when it comes to NLP and how it empowers your mind, there is something called anchoring that really is super helpful in changing your state to your desired state whenever you want. I actually did that right before I hopped onto this podcast episode, because I'll be honest with you, I was not feeling it today was a rather difficult day. Because of the fact that we actually came back from California yesterday, like around midnight. And to be honest with you, today has been a really hard day. There were so many things that I really had to catch up on when it comes to work because we missed two weeks of being here at home. But what I've done is I've learned anchoring in order for me to be on this podcast right now, and as excited as I am and talking about what I'm talking about. What anchoring is, is being able to change your state at the moment to another state so that you can get motivated anytime you want. And normally it's anchoring it into a specific part of your body. So for me, it’s like this first knuckle. And so we press on this knuckle, I'm able to immediately become motivated, excited about what I'm doing, and then I can do the things I need to do right now.
So think about when you wake up and you're in a specific mood. That's a specific state that you're in. Now I will argue and say that your state can be changed any time. And how I know this is that, think about when you're arguing with your spouse or arguing with a partner or anybody. You're in a specific state. You're angry. You're yelling. Let's say you're yelling right now and then the phone rings or the doorbell rings. Why is it that most of the people can drop what it is that they're arguing about and open the door or pick up the phone and their voice changes almost immediately. And they're calm almost immediately. It's the state change. So when people tell you, like “I'm angry and like I'm just in this state and I can't change my state at all.” Really you can, it's a choice that you make. The only thing is that you're choosing not to do that. You're choosing to stay angry. So the hardest part, when it comes to changing your state, is the aspect of letting go. So most of the time when people tell you that they're angry at you, they're angry because they're not able to let go of their ego, or they're not able to let go of how they feel. It's almost as if holding on to that feeling is some kind of comfort level for them. The moment they're able to let go, they're able to change states. So that's also why anchoring is so important because when you're anchoring, you can touch a part of your body and you're immediately transported into the state. And your subconscious remembers the state that you have programmed for yourself. A lot of NLP is unlearning things in the past, especially as a child that you've been programmed over the years and relearning new programs.
One of the things that I feel is so fascinating when it comes to an NLP is this reminder that we are not conscious 99% of the time. We are operating with our unconscious beliefs or programming. And so whenever you feel like, “Why am I not motivated?” It has nothing to do with your conscious willpower. Sure, you can go to the gym and that's willpower for like five minutes, but whether or not you stay at the gym and continue working out, that is not willpower. That is your unconscious mind helping you. So that's also why when you're driving, you're not driving consciously. It's an unconscious thing that you have learned to do. And because you're so good at it and you've done it so many times, you can literally drive and you think that you're conscious. Yeah, you're awake, you're physically looking at the street.
As much as I have taken so many courses on how to choose the most transformative thing that I can do myself is to work on my belief system to work on my unconscious programming, because once I'm able to program or to unlearn certain things, everything is so much easier. It's almost as if it's effortless. And sometimes when you hear people say like, “Okay, like I manifested that and it was effortless.” What they're basically saying is that they were able to unlearn their belief system so much so then now it has become effortless to do.
I'll give you this last example, because I think it's so important for you to really grasp this idea. So for example, it's really easy for me to go to the gym and work out and do my ritual every single day. It doesn't require any effort or any willpower at all. And the reason is because as a child, I saw my parents work out every day. My dad was an athlete who was a basketball player. And my mom used to work out all the time. I grew up in a very healthy household. I didn't even have soda until I was in high school. I didn't even know what that was. Because I saw my parents doing that all the time, it has been programmed in me as a child that working out is effortless. It's a necessity. It's part of who I am, which is why as an adult, when I work out, I almost feel like it's just who I am. It's part of who I am and I don't need to actually motivate myself to go to the gym. In fact, if I don't go to the gym for like a day or two, I actually feel like I'm not myself.
Now let's take another example. And see how it can be negative. Money for instance. So my programming, when it came to money as a child, was that I had to save money. Money was scarce, money does not grow on trees. Now that I'm at this age, for many, many years, I've struggled with learning how to make money, keep money, circulating money, etc. And it was because of the fact that as a child, I had this belief, seeing my parents that money did not grow on trees. And money was hard to make. That has been programmed in like a few years ago or even five years ago, that money is hard. So that's also why it takes longer for me to reprogram these beliefs for me to be where I am.
That's also why so many entrepreneurs can't make the same amount of money as they did when they were a nine to five employee, for instance. There's this belief like, “Okay, nine to five is safe. I can make safe money here.” That belief had to change as well, because I was so used to making an amount of money as an employee, but now that I'm on my own, there's this new belief.
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